Spoilers Alert! (Unless you've read the books - in which case....)
Note: To increase my product knowledge, I did actually sit through this whole film.
So here we are at the third film in the "Twilight Saga" (Which quite honestly is an affront to another series of films which deserves the term Saga - you know what I'm talking about...)
I had high hopes for this film (something those who know me would gasp in horror to hear me say!!) since director David Slade was on board. I figured if the guy directed "30 Days of Night", which was a not-bad vampire horror flick from a few years back, how bad can it be??
Famous last words.
The trailers show lots of flashy scenes of vampires charging
at each other "Braveheart" style, and wolves leaping around.
I'll put it this way...At the hour thirty mark the fighting started (finally!!)
That lasts all about 12 minutes.
In a 130 minute film, that leaves a lot of time for the same crap we saw in "New Moon".
The majority of the film is just Kristin Stewart moping around, trying to decide if she likes Edward or Jacob. There's some side plot involving a vampire army being made, which is never fully explained - which kinda sucks since it was the only intriguing part of the story for me. They replaced the redheaded vampire with Richie Cunningham's kid, only to have R-Patz bite off her head at the end!? and you basically have a back and forth of one of the guys telling her they're the better catch, or her whining about not being a vampire yet...Eessh!
The acting hasn't improved. I suggest claymation for the next film. You'd get more expression out of the actors, and maybe we can finally see some fangs on these vampires!!
Kristin Stewart is dialing in a performance every film now, and you could basically sub in one of those standee things we get at work of her for most scenes and it would work...
R-Patz relies on the same "stalker stare" along with gold contacts, but I don't buy the chemistry between him and Bella for one minute.
Then you have poor Taylor Lautner. Oh, Sharkboy, where do I begin? He just seems horribly out of place in this. It doesn't help that a lot of the film is simply one of the guys macking on Bella, talking smack to each other, and even doing the whole bonding in a tent moment. But don't think Brokeback - this movie's for the kids remember? Hell - if you factor the number of six year olds I see at work who know exactly who Edward and Jacob are - it's scary!!
Anyhow - getting off track....
Special Effects wise, the film is a mess also. At one point, Bella is standing next to Jacob in wolf form, and she's shorter than him! I mean come on....I know werewolves are generally larger than the average wolf - but since when are they the size of a bloody Shetland Pony??
The great epic battle is basically heads and arms getting ripped off, while wolves tear into the remaining vampires. It all looked a tad cartoonish, epecially the wolves, and was over so quickly it hardly even registered. There is a tacked on Edward vs the evil vamps fight which ends in the aforementioned decapitation and the other dude getting dragged off by a werewolf, screaming like a bitch....
So there you have it dear readers. Another epic fail for the series. The biggest shame is that they are going to split the last book into two films just to drag out the proceedings. The only thing getting bled dry is the bank accounts of teenage girls around the world who'd probably just as well watch "True Blood"!
Reel World's Score: 1/10 (It gets 1 point for the 11 or so minutes of fighting)
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